Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Deal of the Week: Mega Man 10 review

Every Week Xbox Live puts some of their arcade games on sale. Some recent weeks have been very tough on both my budget and my unplayed games que, as Microsoft has put some great Arcade games, that I had been meaning to pick up, at half price. (Shadow Complex, Castlevania SOTN, Peggle)

Fortunately for my budget, and my current adventures on the island of Panua, Xbox Live's offerings this week are shall we say a bit light in the must buy category.

This weeks theme is Action Arcade. Included are Mega Man 10, After Burner Climax, Scrap Metal (which I swear was on sale only three weeks ago), and Death by Cube.

Let's Start with Mega Man 10

Honestly how does one review a brand new Mega Man game that is 8bit?

Well for starters a couple of confessions are in order. I have never played a Mega Man game. (Blasphemer... Heretic... Tool of Satan) and as a result I have exactly zero nostalgia for the series (Reason number #2 I will never be a real games journalist)

Another confession is that while I will put up with dated graphics, (for example Duke Nukem games and Doom) I am a bit of a graphics whore. (Harlot... Strumpet... Tramp.) Personally if you are going to put a game on the Xbox live arcade I don't see the harm in a fresh coat of HD paint.

Okay now that I have my heretical confessions out of the way what did I think of our little blue friend. Well the game play was simple, tough and not exactly good at explaining what I should do next. I found myself relatively quickly trapped in a room with floating fists and no clear vision on how to shoot my way out. I tried switching characters (read I accidentally switched characters in a attempt to shoot up.) but alas this seemed to be of no help.

Now normally I would have spent more time puzzling this out but Mega Man's Achilles' heel was striking at my very nerves.

The music.

8 bit graphics are one thing; I don't know from whatever musical Abaddon these tunes were emanating. all I know is that I was being sapped of my will to live.

Any attempt by myself to describe this shrieking cacophony are clearly in vain but like any Lovecraft hero it was only my sheer will to keep my sanity and the fact I was stuck on the first level of the game that saved me.

Score: Not worth even a dollar.

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And now a quick Q and A on my Mega Man review.

Q: You Suck!

A: I'm sorry is that a question?

Q: No F*ck You. You Suck. You get stuck on the demo and you f*ckin decide to review the game and give it a sh*t review.

A: Yup... Look I understand your frustration but the music sucks and I simply don't want to try to figure out what I am doing wrong with that noise in my head. I don't mind kicking it "Old School" hell I am currently stuck on the first level of Castlevania SOTN with the stupid fish-men and I beat that game ten years ago, but Castlevania doesn't place a drill to my head and push the start button.

Q: The game doesn't need to give you directions. That's cause you are a stupid.

A: Look do you remember the frustration at playing Dead Rising where you kept getting killed after leaving the cafeteria and crossing the park and the stupid game only gave you the one save slot and you finally somehow made it to the clown and he chainsaw you in half. And then years later you find out the developers meant for you to die often and restart the entire game as a stronger character but the never actually passed that relatively important piece of information to the gamers themselves?

Q: No man I don't play that game. That's for graphic whores like you. I keep it real. Serves you right spending sixty dollars on a broken game. Mega Man aint broken and it's on sale for 5 bucks this week. Man you disgust me I bet you don't even play Bomberman.

A: Reason #3 will never be a real games journalist

Q Oh My God... You Suck! Mega Man Rules...

A: So tell me what is it you like most about the Mega Man series is it the simple graphics and gameplay or the homoerotic box art?

At this point the Q and A session ended abruptly with the sound of a kerfuffle ensuing. Indeed Q was not able to pose to A a question on how other real critics, who actually may have played the full game and have a passing knowledge of the previous nine (on correction sixty-four including such dynamic outings as Mega Man Soccer for the SNES) Mega Man outings liked the blue bomber. Well Metacritic gave it a healthy 79% with most gaming sites promoting the nostalgia angle to the hilt. It is for Mega Man fans seemed to be theme. Some sites also praised the inclusion of an "easy" level an addition I also appreciated (For all the good it did me).

Warning music included in above clip.

Mega Man 10 D
Megaman uses his Bubbles of Justice against the one-eyed rocket shooting thingie.

Mega Man 10 C
Quick name a more pathetic name for a weapon than "Thunder Wool"

Mega Man 10 A
"I Beat the 8 Master Robots" Try saying that five times fast without sounding dirty.

Mega Man 10 B
I am not sure about you, but that isn't exactly how I pictured Mega Man "In real life"

Mega Man 10 E
You know with 64 different games I am sure there is room for a Mega Man dating simulator... in HD no less.

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